Giving evidence at the final public hearing of South Australia's Royal Commission into Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence, psychologist and researcher Zac Seidler emphasised the need for compassionate accountability, better health system responses and creating safe spaces for men to bond and seek support.
There was a "media cacophony" that boys are not all right, summed up by the Andrew Tate phenomenon and the recent release of Netflix TV series Adolescence, but it was a fraught discussion focused heavily on alarmism, he said.
Deficit-based approaches to primary violence prevention called males out, not in, through messaging like 'coward' or 'monster' or other shame-inducing responses.Â
"All that does is push away the very population you are trying to pull in, and that's why they end up in dark recesses of the internet, because that's the places that actually make them feel seen and heard," Dr Seidler said.
"I think that we can create a sense of community belonging, of connection among men and boys, whereby they are told that they are not the problem, they are the solution."
Seven men a day were taking their own lives and "we need to take these cries for help seriously", he said.
Alcohol, drugs, depression and anxiety were conditions and experiences overlooked and misunderstood among men.
"As a result, we're ending up with this wave of emotionality that goes unheard and that goes unspoken, and you end up with a seriously frustrated, angry and confused male demographic," Dr Seidler said.
Society should "focus on the strengths that exist within men and boys".
"The desire to be a protector and a provider can be very healthy, the fact that altruism and service are fundamental, healthy, leverage-able elements of modern day masculinity that should not be overlooked," he said.
Commissioner Natasha Stott-Despoja is tasked with developing prevention strategies, improving effective early intervention, ensuring best practice responses, supporting recovery and healing and improving co-ordination of agencies.
The final day of public hearings focused on what communities need to do to move towards a future free from violence.
The commission's final report will be submitted to the SA government by July 1.
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